Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Some girls have all the luck?

I often wonder how some people seem to always have a significant other. A relationship may end and another seems to follow, effortlessly, a few months later. I believe some people are so uncomfortable being alone that they feel incomplete without a partner. Perhaps they are even willing to settle for less than they want due to this fear of being alone. Or perhaps they have good intentions, a good heart, and attract people who want to be in relationships with them? It's impossible to classify what happens. From the outside, it might be easy to say "Oh, he/she can do better him/her...", but without knowing how someone truly feels about someone, saying they are settling is not only unkind, but it makes you look bitter.

People want you to think "Oh, it's not my time..." when so many people you know, like everyone from your high school, 99% of your college friends, and other random folks seem to have found happiness and love with another person. Most of these people who want you to think that your lack of a significant other is not due to anything other than fate/God's Plan/timing/etc. have a significant other, so it's easy to shake off their comments and think "Was it something I did?" For instance, did my stealing candy from bins at Mr. Bulky's while in elementary school set me up for a life without love? Did the couple occasions where I stole Frizz-Ease from Perry Drug's seal my fate as a crazy dog-lady later in life (I'm allergic to cats, and don't really like them)?

I have no answers. I have never been a person who is uncomfortable being alone, in both the literal and figurative sense. I have many interests, I'm not afraid of living alone, etc. However, I am starting to worry that my fierce independence, which is so helpful is some situations, is handicapping my ability to be date-able. Does that make sense? It's just that I believe men like to feel needed, I really do. And I get that. But it's SO HARD for me to allow anyone to feel "needed" in my life. Like I never want to be a bother, I never want to be a nag (intentionally, at least, I know it happens anyway), and I'm totally okay sitting alone at home, even on a weekend night (GASP!), and I feel like guys think that's strange. It's as if they believe that since I'm 31 and single, I should be out at every possible moment. I just get so bored doing the normal things that people I know seem to like to do and haven't been able to find other ways of meeting guys (I'm totally not opposed to online dating, however I'm being stubborn and hoping that that's not the only way to go).

Another problem is that I believe my "fierce" independence makes it appear as though I've always got something going on. That could not be further from the truth. I feel like I often have to be the person who calls people to see what they are up to, what the plans are, etc. I don't think it's because they don't like me and don't want to hang out with me, I think it's that they figure I must already be busy doing something. Or maybe they don't like me...hmm. Perhaps I need to pay better attention.

Sorry for my tangential thinking...basically, I'm trying, unsuccessfully, to figure out why everyone from my past, even some of the BIGGEST bitches I've ever met, are all coupled off with significant others, while I haven't had a relationship in...well, I'm not even saying when because it's embarrassing and sad. Is is something I give off? In college, I can't even recall how many times I was told I was the "marrying kind". How is a girl supposed to be the "marrying kind" if no one ever wants to date her? I had lunch today with a friend who I haven't seen in months, and of course she asked me (in a nice way), if there were any guys in the picture. I answered, per usual, "I haven't met a single, date-able guy this whole year". That, unfortunately, is completely true.

I have decided to start work on a short story titled something along the lines of "Why Sex and The City Made me Delusional". I am sure many of you can offer plot lines?

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