So I did it. I signed up for EHarmony last Friday. I was moved to act because they were having a sale that went through the end of February (by the way, happy March. Did you say "Rabbit, rabbit, white rabbit" this morning for good luck? You should have).
I haven't really spent much time on Eharm (my pet name), navigating the rules and protocol, but I've obviously checked in to see if anyone likes me (ha!). Apparently if you want to start communicating with someone, you have to send them five questions to answer. You select these five questions out of 45 questions Eharm offers you. Then the person you send the questions to can answer them and send you their own five. Then your answers to these challenging multiple choice questions are analyzed by someone sitting in front of a computer, deciding whether or not they could possibly date someone who answers "go bowling" instead of "go bargain shopping at a local flea market" or "visit a local comedy club" when asked "Which sort of date sounds like the most fun to you?". Oh sorry...did that sound snarky?!
I've been sent questions by maybe four guys, and have had "communication closed" by like six or seven. A guy can close communication if they read your profile or look at your picture and decide you are not good enough for them...I kid, I kid (but really, isn't that the truth!?). I swear, after no more than 15 hours on Eharm I already had been rejected by three guys. My poor, fragile ego...
Today I got sent an "Icebreaker". I guess an icebreaker is their way of saying they sort of maybe want to communicate with you, but selecting five questions is just way too much of a commitment at this point. The icebreaker I received said "Great pic...I'd love to see more photos!". Well...okay. I had already loaded two pictures, but I was like "I can get behind another picture", but I don't want to load up my entire Kodak Gallery, you know what I'm saying? I tend to be an alarmingly consistent picture subject, in the sense that I look really similar in almost any picture I am in (I give all the credit to Cindy Crawford for teaching me tricks on House of Style, circa like 1987). Since I'm allowed to look at his profile, I decided to check out his pictures. He has three. Is there really such a huge difference between two or three pictures? I understand the difference between two or three might be substantial in some cases, like having three arms instead of two, but two vs. three pictures? What?
When I signed up for Eharm, I decided I was going to play nice, so I loaded another picture. I thought I'd send an icebreaker back, maybe one that said "I loaded another picture!" or something more clever, but then I discover Eharm has standard icebreaker scripts, which include such gems as:
"Would you like to chat?"
"It seems we live close to each other, let's talk!"
"Your profile brought a smile to my face!"
"Love your smile!"
"Just wanted to say 'Hi!'"
So, I guess I should be relieved that he complimented me on my pictures and just asked for another, and did not say "Your profile brought a smile to my face!" because that would have just been too much for me to handle. My tolerance for cheesy communication is pretty low.